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Kinky Friedman lyrics - Kinky Friedman

They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore

Original and similar lyrics
(Kinky Friedman) Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin' Lone Star beer Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear. “They oughta send you back to Russia, boy, or New York City one You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God's only son.” I said, “Has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that's not very nice, We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ.” “You know, you don't look Jewish,” he said, “near as I could figger I had you lamped for a slightly anemic, well-dressed country nigger.“ No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore, They don't turn the other cheek the way they done before. He started in to shoutin' and a-spittin' on the floor, “Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore.” He says, “I ain't a racist but Aristitle Onassis is one Greek we don't need And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus, all they ever do is breed. And wops ‘n micks ‘n slopes ‘n spics ‘n spooks are on my list And there's one little hebe from the heart of Texas â€' is there anyone I missed ? ” Well, I hits him with everything I had right square between the eyes. I says, “I'm gonna gitcha, you son of a bitch ya, for spoutin' that pack of lies. If there's one thing I can't abide, it's an ethnocentric racist; Now you take back that thing you said ‘bout Aristitle Onassis.” No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore, We don't turn the other cheek the way we done before. You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor “Lord, they sho' ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!” All right! No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore, We don't turn the other cheek the way they done before. You hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore. Everybody! They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore, They ain't makin' carpenters who know what nails are for. Well, the whole damn place was singin' as I strolled right out the door “Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!” No, we ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore, We don't turn the other cheek the way they done before. Well, the whole damn place was singin' as I strolled right out the door “Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!”

Praise The Lord! (Translation Of The Laudate Domin)

HELLOWEEN
Halleluja, homines, Gaudete de domino, Qui donat vita omnes, quod amat nos! Rejoice, men, About the Lord, Who gives everyone life, because he loves us! Halleluja, mi deus, Tu vivis omnipotens, Tu es semper, benignus, tu amas nos! Oh God of mine, You live all-powerful, You are always kind, you love us! Pater noster in caelis Totum orbem terrae regnat Et vincit diabolum timorem Et omnium hominum Our father in the heavens Rules the whole world And defeats wicked fear Of all men O laudate dominum! Praedicate deum Amate creatorem, Qui creavit mundum Oh, laudate dominum! Oh praise the lord! Boast of God, Love the father, Who created the earth. Oh praise the lord! Ecce, et te vult Jesus liberare, Ducere per vitam tuus amicus, gaude tu! Look, Jesus also wishes to free you, Your friend (wishes) to lead (you) through life, praise (him)! Amici, dimittite Mente malam pravamque! Anima accipite salvam fidem! Friends, break away evil And wrong from the mind! Receive sound faith in your heart! Jesus Christus in cruce De vita decessit dolens Sed de morte resurrexit lux mundi nova Jesus Christ on the cross, sad, Retired from life But a new light arose from his death O laudate dominum! Filium Jesum Christum Omnium redemptorem Et spiritum sanctum! O laudate dominum! ... Oh praise the lord! Jesus Christ, the son, Savior of all And a sacred spirit! Oh praise the lord!

My Bible

ACE HOOD "Trials & Tribulations"
[Intro:] I feel alright [x4] [Verse 1: Ace Hood] I can hear my granny speaking from the land of heaven Pray I get the message, bible on me every second Devils spirits get rejected soon as I detect it Oh lord I am a sinner, nothing like perfection Money fetish coming steady barely see the reverend Hope my life is right with Christ before it's Armageddon Lord knows it's cold world and it ain't apologetic Keep my bible on my side just know I'm armed and ready If we got a problem, scriptures like 100 choppers Ain't no weapon for what gets me to whatever prosper Devils come in different forms watch for the impostors Cause' everybody ain't your friends put that on my momma Words of the wise, faith and hope will never die Prayin to a higher God before I rest an eye Seven angels on my collar must I testify? Know some youngin's totin' guns before they baptized Man this world is out of order, keep ya' holy water Daddy gotta go, I kiss the cheek on my lil' daughter Steady hustlin' just to support my covenant Bible with me that's stronger than any government I'm never worried devil lurking, trying to serve a purpose Triple black phantom ghost, lord have mercy Only God can judge me I never need attorney Hear my momma prayin' for me on this lonely journey (amen) [Verse 2: Ace Hood] How sweet is the sound Bloodsuckers, never trust em' I don't keep em' around Holding on to my Jesus piece, no demons allowed Put that ice in the crown, never preachin the foul Know the snakes are watching Every dollar to pocket Jealousy in your soul, every nigga will gossip Lord knows I'm sinning, timberlands in the trenches Psalms 91, please lord protect those with me Why they hate on me? I got my strap on me It came with a million bullets come and test out these As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death Got the word of God for any spirit that's there Got the blood of Jesus on my white Nike Airs Lion hearted lil' nigga with the force of a bear I'm beast mode, never wanna see that side I suppose And my eyes closing, praying for niggas with hate in they soul Please guide my steps, cause' it's hell out there Pussy niggas playin dirty tryin' to plan my death 20 Jesus pieces on me like I can't be touched Every soul needs saved but it can't be rushed People dying everyday just pray it ain't one of us Keep my bible right beside me know what God I trust. Yes lord, amen, amen Long as I got my bible Long as I got my bible I scream (Jesus)

Four Walls Of Raiford

LYNYRD SKYNYRD "Legend"
(Ronnie Van Zant - Jeff Carlisi) Well them four walls of Raiford, closing in on me Doin' three to five hard labor, for armed robbery I had two years behind, but I could not wait the time Everytime I thought about it, well I died some more inside And I had stripes on my back, memories that hurt For the only time I seen sunshine is when I hit the dirt Diggin' ditches for the chain gang, sleepin' in the cold Oh Lord please forgive me for I could not wait no more And I comin' home to see you Jesus Well it feels so close this time Please take mercy on this soldier From the Florida-Georgia line When they find me they must kill me Oh Jesus save my soul I can't go back down to Raiford I can't take that anymore Well these last few years behind me Oh Lord, have been so sad I fought proudly for my country when the times were bad Now they say I'm guilty, when they find me I must die Only me and Jesus know that I never stole a dime Well when Vietnam was over there was no work here for me I had a pretty wife awaitin and two kids I had to feed Well I'm one of America's heroes and when they shoot me down Won't fly old Glory proudly, put my medals in the ground And I comin' home to see you Jesus Well it feels so close this time Please take mercy on this soldier From the Florida-Georgia line When they find me they must kill me Oh Jesus save my soul I can't go back down to Raiford I can't take that anymore

If I Was The Priest

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN "Before The Fame"
Well there's a light on yonder mountain And it's calling me to shine There's a girl over by the water fountain And she's asking to be mine And ain't that Jesus, he's standing in the doorway With a buckskin jacket, boots and spurs, so really fine He says 'We need you up in Dodge City, son 'Cause there's oh so many bad boys (just too many outlaw) Tryin' to work the same line' Well now if Jesus was the sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my mama was a thief Oh and Papa rode shotgun for the Fargo line There's still too many outlaws Tryin' to work the same line Now old sweet Virgin Mary She runs the Holy Grail saloon Where for a nickel they'll give you whisky And the personally blessed balloon And the Holy Ghost, he's the host with the most He runs the burlesque show Where they let you in for free But oh hit you for your soul when you go And Mary serves Mass on Sunday And then she sells her body on Monday To the bootlegger who will pay the highest price But he don't know he got stuck with a loser Mary's a stone junkie, what's more she's a boozer And she's only been made once or twice By some kind of magic Well things ain't been the same in Heaven Ever since big bad Bobby came to town He's been known to down eleven And then ask for another round And me I got scabs on my knees From kneeling way too long I gotta take a stand, be the man, up where you belong And forget about the old friends and the old times Because there's just too many new boys Tryin' to work the same line Well now if Jesus was the sheriff and I were the priest If my lady was an heiress and my mama was a thief Oh and Papa rode shotgun for the Fargo line There's still too many bad boys Tryin' to work the same line Now there's a light on yonder mountain And it's calling me to shine There's a girl by the water fountain And she's asking to be mine And Jesus, he's standing in the doorway With his six-guns drawn, and ready to fan He says 'We need you son, up in Dodge City' But I'm already overdue in Cheyenne

Behold A Lady

OUTKAST "Speakerboxxx / The Love Below"
[Andre 3000] Sophistafunk, aristocats Distinguished stars, clean up your acts Pull up your pants, ladies and gents Please, act like you got some sense You know what I really wanna know Where do all the good girls go What clubs they hang in [Chorus] Behold a lady I see you standin' on the wall Clap, clap... you deserve it all [Repeat] [Ad libs] Candy-coated unicorns are quite hard to find The classic lady, a rare breed indeed Is that make and model discontinued [Verse 1] Today I might snow, tomorrow I'll rain 3000's always changing but you stay the same And I need that, hey I need that (in my life) When I feel washed up and inadequate And throw all my songs away, no matter how mad I get You make me smile, you make me smile You make me smile, you make me... (Hoooooooo!) You're the anchor that holds me down When my ship is sinking You won't let me drown and I'm grateful (Awwaww Awwawwawwawwawwwwawww!) [Chorus] [Verse 2] Yo' mama's old fashioned, yo' daddy don't play You'll always be this lovely 'Cause they raised you that way Hallelujah! Thank ya Jesus! Thank ya Lord! Thank ya Jesus! Thank ya Lord! Thank ya Jesus! Thank ya Lord! You're not extra, you're so plain Jane The yin to my yang, darlin' You've got that thang and you know it But yet you don't and that's what's so cool You don't say too much, but when you do it's profound In the street you hold your head high At home you get low down for me (Can't get no lower, can't get no lower, can't get no lower, yeah!) Hooo! You're the anchor that holds me down When my ship is sinking, you won't let me drown (Aaaaaaahh!) (Ad libs) Sad, but one day our kids will have to visit museums To see what a lady looks like So if you find one, I beg you, hold her tight If you spot one, good sir, treat her right This is Benjamin Andre signing off Thanks a million Good luck and goodnight [Chorus 2x]

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