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JON LAJOIE lyrics - I Kill People

WTF Collective 2

Original and similar lyrics
MC Confusing back in this bitch With a parking sandwich and a chicken ticket I got a liquid face lift from a fig with big tits And my wrist got twisted by a Brit with fake spit And you don't understand it, 'cause you're not supposed to Like a candy cane snake in a jealous cartoon And I'm gonna leave soon, but first I need to Drink a Chevy chase face and rape Robocop 2 Yo, I'm MC Historical Inaccuracy I drop lyrical bombs like Hiroshima in '73 I write rhymes like Shakespeare when he wrote Ann Frank's Diary Which is about the civil war of 1812 in Germany I'm like the Spanish inquisition when they killed Jesus And Abe Lincoln's suicide was the theme for my thesis Like Moses when I focus I can split the Red sea Like he did in 1950 with the Chinese army I'm MC Don't Know How to Pluralize Word I got so many rhyme and I sleep with all the girl When there's more than one of something you're supposed to pluralize But I never learned that through all the year I've been alive Hello, I'm MC Canadian Stereotype I'm about to get started, so let me get off the ice But I don't want any trouble, and I am always polite Now let's hop on my snowmobile, and I will tell you what I like But first I'll turn of curling and turn down Avril Lavigne Et j'vais dire une phrase en francais, parce qu'ici on est bilingue Oh boy, I fell of my igloo and I hurt my knee Let's go to the hospital, don't worry, here in Canada it's free, eh MC Fatigue, did you miss me I'll be awake for five minutes, 'cause I had a coffee I'll try to get through my verse, but I really don't know I drank that coffee about five minutes ago (snoring) They hired me again to sing this motherfucking chorus I haven't found a fucking job yet so I gotta do this bullshit (I can't take it, I'm done) I don't think I can sing another fucking chorus I think I'm gonna jump off a bridge, or shoot myself like Kurt Cobain did (I think my dad has a gun) I'm MC Knows Too Many Facts About Bees 15 miles per hour is their average speed A queen can lay up to 3000 eggs in a day Just because I know a lot about bees doesn't mean that I'm gay I'm also MC In the Closet Homosexual I hide it 'cause it's easier to be heterosexual We can't even get married in most states here in America It's fucked up Gay marriage is legal here, in Canada I'm MC Homophobic Fucking Asshole Being gay is evil and it is unnatural Jesus said to love thy neighbour, but only if they are straight Penises go in vaginas, anything else is just insane I'm MC Extremely Inappropriate Rhymes I shake things up like J-fox when I get on the mic And I drop my enemies just like Christopher Reeves' horse Then I put them to sleep, like Heath Ledger of course (woah) I'm MC Extremely Politically Correct I disagree with the previous MC's lyrical content It's offensive, insensitive and in very bad taste Just like that guy who wrote that song when Michael Jackson passed away Yo, MC Final Verse here to end this song One was enough, we didn't need a sequel Jon Make a fourth Show Me Your Genitals or another Normal Guy But for now let's end this stupid song with a suicide This is the last time that I will ever sing a chorus My dad's gun was in his closet and I'm gonna end this bullshit (I had a good run) I'm gonna pull the trigger as soon as I finished the chorus Sayonara and farewell, I guess I'll see you all in hell (Four, three, two, one)

Get Money

Eightball "Lost"
Gloomy days got my head twisted Mystic visions of a razor blade Cut my blunt with precision Stuff it till it's bustin' Sippin' on some Tussin Imagine it gothic hustlin' Men tusslin' women fussin' And they babies in the corner cryin' Young niggaz bang and they ain't afriad of dyin' Pistol keepers mobile phones and beepers Cars and hoes and plenty dust for the geekers Me I'm a break beater microphone eater Weed leader, siizlin' like a fajita But it's so hard for me to stay out the streets Behind tint blowin' cheap Fuckin' with freaks What kinda role model, I'ma be? Don't get it twisted Gifted, linquistic. graphic and realistic God, deleiver me from harm and arm me with, Sense enough to know when to quit Chorus: I don't wanna die I don't wanna die (lord forgive me for the anger that I feel today) I don't wanna die I don't wanna die Thinkin' about what my eyes witnessed Thinkin' about what my kids gon' see when they get grown and independent What you doin' baby? 18, strippin' daily A small ass apartment, tryin' to flip a Mercedes I don't knock shit, unless you a fiend Tryin' to hock shit Protectin' myself I gotta grab the gock and pop shit I guess that's the problem with the world today (what?) Black, white, asian So many people think this way Fuck with me and I'll shoot ya We live in, what used to be the space age, future To acid droppin' hippies Now they run the country Drug smugglin' with my tax money Bomb makers, nuclear, death creators White power, skin head, Jew and nigga haters All of this, plus I gotta watch the nigga next door What you think I pray for, man Chorus Life ain't nothin' but preperation For the angels and the demons that we all gon' face when, The soul and the body seperate, that's death Nothin' left but darkness, after your last breath Well, all of that shit is in the past Enjoy it while you got it, cause you can't take it with your ass Where I'm from, any day can be your last That's why them thug niggaz live life hard and fast Slowdown, and find yourself surrounded by the lowdown Unaware, a showdown's about to go down Why we gotta clown instead of bein' kinfolks Why do white folks, think all we know is sellin' dope? Some can't cope, and got out hangin' from a rope Slit wrists, found shakin' from an overdose Tupac and Biggie got they life snatched away Nobody knows when they gotta go, mayne Chorus That's all baby, You never know when you gotta go Deaths around the corner Your nobody, till somebody kils you But I don't wanna die I don't wanna die Hey, I don't wanna die Can you hear me? I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I don't wanna die DIe, die, die, die, die (repeated till end)

Bowl Of Oranges

BRIGHT EYES
The rain it started tappin' On the window near my bed There was a loophole in my dreamin' So I got out of it And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open Just my nightstand and my dresser Where those nightmares had just been So I dressed myself and left then Out into the gray streets But everything seemed different And completely new to me The sky the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body And each person I encountered I couldn't wait to meet And I came upon a doctor Who appeared in quite poor health I said there's nothing that I can do for you you can't do for yourself He said oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help So I sat with him awhile Then I asked him how he felt He said I think I'm cured No, in fact, I'm sure of it Thank you, stranger For your therapeutic smile So that's how I learned the lesson That everyone's alone And your eyes must do some raining If you're ever gonna grow And when crying don't help You can't compose yourself It's best to compose a poem An honest verse of longing Or a simple song of hope That's why I'm singing baby don't worry 'Cause now I got your back And every time you feel like crying I'm gonna try and make you laugh And if I can't If it just hurts too bad Then we'll wait for it to pass And I will keep you company for those days so long and black And we'll keep working on the problem We know we'll never solve Of love's uneven remainders Our lives are fractions of a whole But if the world could remain within a frame Like a painting on a wall Then I think we'd see the beauty then We'd stand staring in awe At our still lives posed Like a bowl of oranges Like a story told By the fault-lines and the soil

The Calendar Hung Itself

BRIGHT EYES
The rain it started tappin' On the window near my bed There was a loophole in my dreamin' So I got out of it And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open Just my nightstand and my dresser Where those nightmares had just been So I dressed myself and left then Out into the gray streets But everything seemed different And completely new to me The sky the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body And each person I encountered I couldn't wait to meet And I came upon a doctor Who appeared in quite poor health I said there's nothing that I can do for you you can't do for yourself He said oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help So I sat with him awhile Then I asked him how he felt He said I think I'm cured No, in fact, I'm sure of it Thank you, stranger For your therapeutic smile So that's how I learned the lesson That everyone's alone And your eyes must do some raining If you're ever gonna grow And when crying don't help You can't compose yourself It's best to compose a poem An honest verse of longing Or a simple song of hope That's why I'm singing baby don't worry 'Cause now I got your back And every time you feel like crying I'm gonna try and make you laugh And if I can't If it just hurts too bad Then we'll wait for it to pass And I will keep you company for those days so long and black And we'll keep working on the problem We know we'll never solve Of love's uneven remainders Our lives are fractions of a whole But if the world could remain within a frame Like a painting on a wall Then I think we'd see the beauty then We'd stand staring in awe At our still lives posed Like a bowl of oranges Like a story told By the fault-lines and the soil

#1 Fan

KJ-52
Yo this is what happened: Yo I woke up late it was like 10 in the mornin' I was still half asleep and sleepy eyed, still yawnin' I checked my voice mail to see who'd been callin' I turned on my computer check my email logged on it Junk mail, junk mail dog-gone-it Everybody just tryin to sell me they product But there was one email that just caught my optic It said sucidal, took the mouse and clicked on it She said ' Dear KJ you don't know who I am, You probably don't care cause im just another fan. I doubt you ever read this, now but if ya can Sometimes I slash my wrists and even cut my hands And I feel all alone like nobody understands And I'm gonna end it tonight I got the whole thing planned Pop pills, leave a note on my night stand Signed sincerely, Your Number 1 fan Chorus: Can someone now please help me Will someone now just please help me Can someone now please help me Will someone now just please help me Verse 2: My heart is poundin as I start to type back Why do you feel this way do you mind if I ask? Whats the source and the cause of the pain that you have How did you get this way, is it something from the past God cares about you, I hope you understand that Please don't end your life, I beg ya please write back I finished typin', I sent the email quite fast I bowed my head and prayed with all the strength that I had She said 'Man KJ I didn't even know you would write me. Let me explain why noone could ever like me It all started when my father used to strike me Raped and confused every since 1990 He's gone now but I can't put it all behind me I tried to run away but my pain would always find me Is God really the one who can help me (yes He is) Signed tonight your Number 1 Fan Chorus Verse 3: Dear number one fan I gotta lot to tell you But with the email there is only so much I can help you See I know a Father who could never ever fail you He'll give you a love when nobody ever cared to I know you might feel like everybody hates you And you feel like you got noone you can relate to But death feels like the best place to escape to But thats a lie that Satan, he just wants to tell you I'm sorry that you were abused, your father raped you But you gotta get some help cause nobody can make you I know its hard to face but God will give you the strength to I know you gots a lot of things you gotta work through But with this help I know that you can break through I seen it myself all the times He came through Tell me what you think of what I sent you I'll be prayin', Sincerely KJ-52 Chorus Verse 4: Yo, I'd be pretending if I said this story had a happy endin But after that night I never heard from her again That night I tossed and turned lyin on my bed en Cryin and prayin with these thoughts runnin through my head en Did she do it, take her life, or wind up dead en Or did she not choose it, just listened to what I said en Maybe she never got the last one I was sendin Was it my fault was it something I shoulda mentioned Every mornin I would just check my email Checkin for any detail, hopin an prayin that shes well My emails came back sayin that they'd failed No such address for Number1Fan@hotmail Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months en Time would pass and I just heard nuthin No letter no email no not even just somethin What happened to my Number 1 fan I'm still wonderin Chorus

William Shakespeare's In My Cat

Arrogant Worms
I never much believed in reincarnation Thought it was only people's imagination But now I'm forced into some reconsideration 'Cause something's happened to my cat That deserves some explanation William Shakespeare's in my cat My kitty is the bard He used to be a playwright Now he's digging up the yard He's still a cat in most respects He likes to meow and purr But now I introduce him as the cat That wrote Richard the third I took him to see Phantom He said it was quite nice But he can't go see Miss Saigon Until he kills some mice (Until he kills some mice) William Shakespeare's in my cat It sometimes seems so deep The guy who wrote Twelfth Night Chews on my socks while I'm asleep I'm really quite impressed I own the cat who wrote MacBeth But if something's rotten in this state It's just his fishy breath (Chorus) 'Cause he wrote Romeo and Juliet But his greatest story yet Is coming back as someone's pet And gettin' neutered by the vet He got his paws caught in a net Then he said to be or not to meeeow! William Shakespeare's in my cat He rarely ever talks He makes his loudest statements Standing in the litter box He sleeps on all my shelves And throws my books about the house It doesn't sound like prose When he bats a squeaky mouse Sam Beckett's plays are witty, Same thing for Bernard Shaw, Oscar Wilde is pretty, But none of them have paws (None of them have paws) William Shakespeare's in my cat He chases bits of fluff John Milton's in my goldfish But I never liked his stuff I'm thinking that Franz Kafka Really came back as a bug And I hope Andrew Lloyd Webber Will stay underneath my rug (Chorus) Take it, Trevor! (Chorus)

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